If this is my life
by Strange Music
Summary: Sean is the bad guy. It is as simple as that. No illusion about it? Or is maybe the thought that peoples intentions are only Black and White the only illusion.


If this is my life

By Strange Music

Working on the reason behind the disappearance if the two of them after Season Three started

He didn't know why he was still wearing the bandage. It had been 3 days and it barley hurt anymore.

But it made Aunt Amy fuss around him and he had to admit that he actually quite enjoyed being babied for a change.

Now he wasn't the ex criminal on probation that was living in this house because of the courtesy of his aunt...and because it was the only place that he could go to.

Now he was the brave young man that got hurt defending Maria from a falling piece of junk.

After all they had to tell Aunt Amy something about why he was hurt.

He still wasn't sure out of which notion she had decided to forget everything. Liz had told him it had been stress. But would stress really work that clean in a person's mind?

Actually he didn't care. As long as…

_.) Liz went with him on that promised date._

_.) He was the hero._

_.) And Max and his friends kept their weird alien stuff to themselves._

He wasn't one to easily feel intimidated but the way that Max glowered at him to keep silent about anything that he had heard that day.

And Michael and Isabel standing nearby with almost the same mercenary look .

Still even when he hadn't felt half as intimidated as they had planed he had said yes and hoped that they would be satisfied with it.

Fortunately they were and he had heard no more from them.

Leaning back on the couch he started to switch through the channels.

50 channels and nothing on....there ought to be odds against that happing. And they ought to be high.

Or not so high depending on how many times it did happened.

So either he had a very exclusive taste or just bad luck.

He voted for second and he was most certainly not accused very often of the first.

And so far the bad luck in his life had most certainly been consistent.

_The wrong friends._

_The wrong crowd_

_The wrong family._

_The wrong life._

He mean couldn't his blame Mum. After Dad had left them He had simple been too much for her to handle.

Suddenly she had to earn the money to not only keep them with a roof and food but also with the money to pay back the dept that was still on the house.

There was a time when it all started that he didn't think he seen her much outside her work at all. Actually If they had a bed there he was certain that she would have slept there as well.

He had watched her as she turned each cent.

How she saw the hard earned money being blown in the wind.

How she must have felt like she went to work for nothing on herself.

Sometimes he would see her watching catalogues. Cloths, rings, distant places.

And each ones was laid aside with a weary sigh.

The time he turned 16 she was still watching them.

Still laying them aside with a small smile and the dream that one day she would have one of those holidays for herself.

_I will not say that what followed was her fault it was mine. _

_  
Still I guess I was a bit influenced by it the day that Robert talked to me. _

_  
He had seen me watch him with the other boys. _

_  
If I wanted in his gang. _

_  
I did the first thing that came to my mind and nodded. Fortunately because the other answer that I could think of would have been to tell him that I just looked him up because I thought he looked hot. _

_  
Beside who was I to decline being offered a bunch of friends. _

_  
I had heard about them, rumor was that they were trouble. _

_  
Still how much trouble could a bunch of 17 old be. _

_  
I should find out the next day. When he gave me a packet to pass it to one of their friends. _

_  
It wasn't until that guy opened that package that I realized what it had been that I have brought him. _

_  
Looking back I know how stupid I had been. _

_  
But there is truth in the saying that Hindsight is 20/20. _

_  
When I came back to the boys still stunned and silent about what I had done. They just slapped my back and told me that I was now one of them. _

_  
And that was when Robert gave me the 200 Dollar. _

_  
The only other time I had seen that much money on one place had been when I watched Mum pay the bills. But this was mine. I had earned it. _

_  
And for that small moment I didn't cared if that guy died snuffing that stuff. That was his decision. If he had so much money to spend on this crap who am I to stop him. _

_  
And if I hadn't brought it to him someone else had. _

_  
So no one was hurt? _

_  
The guy had gotten what he came for. And I had gotten money, new friends and a glance of Robert that made my day. _

_Mum had asked where I gotten the money when she found a full fridge. I just told here that I had helped a friend for a few days. _

_  
She was happy even told me that I should have kept the money for myself. _

_  
Not that I could have, not if for the first time I could pay her back a bit for all the years if I could make her life a little more easier. And when I saw her smile I knew that I wasn't about to stop. _

_I have to admit that I had some great time hanging around with the guys. And beside that few trips I did for them ones a month there wasn't much criminal. They didn't even beat up anybody to my knowledge. _

_  
And Robert actually liked me. Said he liked my humor. _

_  
I know he was hopeless straight...never would be what I liked him. Heck even if he were there was no guarantee that he would show interest in me. But that didn't make him any less of a friend. Just a little painful to watch and listen when he talked about his girls and expected me to congratulate him. _

_  
Still there was enough time just the two of us to make up for that. _

_  
Time that he spent teaching me things like breaking locks and other useful thing's for boys growing up in the surrounding that I did _

_  
What did I give him back someone that worshiped the ground he walked on. _

_  
Someone stupid enough to do his bidding. _

_  
What was it? _

_  
Giving some of the high stuff to some well dressed man so that they were able to work 24/7. _

_  
Something that didn't hurt no one beside themselves. _

_  
Being able to actually see my mother smile in relieve when they was actually no month left at the end of the money? _

_  
Or even more...when there was money left at the end of the month. _

_  
A few more runs like that and I could actually afford to send her somewhere nice for her birthday. _

_  
Life was good. _

_  
And with each lesson that he taught me I proudly realized….that so was I. _

_  
Robert said he was a natural when it came to B&E. _

_  
And even hindsight I knew that he wasn't all bad. Just like me kinda born into the wrong way and making the best of it. _

_  
A pal soulmate. _

_  
He pulled the wool over my eyes for a whole year. _

_  
To the day that he taught me the ultimate lesson. That you can't trust anybody beside yourself. _

_  
It was the day that I caught him of them selling heroin to the kids. _

_  
12 years 13 years old no more. _

_  
I took it out of his hands with a panicked expression. Still not clearly remembered the things I had shouted at him. _

_  
Only the rage that clouded my mind. _

_  
The disappointment. _

_  
It wasn't till the cold steel of the handcuffs stung around my wrist that I realized that I was in trouble. _

_  
The day after that was a blur as well. _

_  
Unfriendly officer in whose eyes I felt like the lowest dirt on earth. And why not. It wasn't as if any points stood in my favors….on the contrary as always all things stood against me. _

_  
In their eyes me and Robert were just another dealer that had spend their time selling drugs to the kids. _

_  
And then the worst had come. _

_  
My mother. _

_  
I would have so much preferred her to be angry and to shout at me. To accuse me of being a criminal. _

_  
But all she had done was look at me with sad eyes and apologize, _

_  
For not being at home as much as I seemly had needed her. _

_  
I her told her that it wasn't here fault. But I could see that she didn't believe me. _

_  
And even worse. That there was nothing I could do to convince her otherwise. _

_  
It was from my lawyer that I heard what happened to Robert. 3 strike law...his penalty would certainly be worse. _

_  
Mine....2 year in youth-penitentiary…followed by 4 years on probation and the order to not come closer than 400 yards to any school. _

_  
I was left back into the world the day I turned 19. _

_  
No complete school beside the one in youth-penitentiary. _

_  
No job _

_  
And no future. _

_  
I tried living with my mother again. _

_  
But the quiet pain I could see in her eyes every time she looked at me was just too much. _

_  
So after one year of hunting jobs. One year of being looked at people like the criminal I was. _

_  
After one years of only floating through my life, I knew that it was time for a change of scene. _

_  
And that was why I came to visit Aunt Amy. _

_  
About the only good thing that his father had left them with. _

How was I to know that my trouble were only to start.

He had not realized that he had started to nod in till the doorbell woke him up.

Caught between denial and defiance it took another ring till he finally got up to see who had disturbed his rest him.

A slight itch where the bandage was. But again, He had been hurt quit worse the time he'd spend in the youth-penitentiary.

Broken arm, broken leg, bruised rips….just because it took him some time to get adjusted.

Concussion and a dislocated shoulder…because he hadn't learned to shut up quickly enough.

He had been different when he came back out again. More silent then before. Much slower to act and much quicker to react.

He was still in some way much too quick on the talk, but no more like before. And so far it hadn't done him bad.

At least as long as a certain Miss Parker didn't get him to help her again.

He liked Liz. She was a nice girl. And to a certain degree he had been flattered the way she had attached herself to him the last time that he had been in town.

He had been 16 and she had been 13.

She had been the girl who spend her whole life in a town that was half asleep.

Knowing that her life would never be outside the town-borders. Not as long as her she was and only child and her parents almost unspoken expected her to take the Café over once she was old enough.

She had attached herself to him the moment that he had arrived at his Aunts house.

Almost sucked in every word that he told about the big city.

The girl wasn't happy in her life…and maybe would never be.

His thoughts stopped when he reached the door.

The ringing had stopped but now that he was up, he wouldn't. At least not till he found out who it was that had insisted to see him that badly.

After the door was opened he barely caught the retrieving back of who ever it had been.

"Wait!"

He hadn't exactly expected anybody. But still he was no prepared on seeing Brody or Larek or whatever he called himself this week.

"Hi…." The other man looked unsure what to say. And for a second he looked younger than what Sean had though him to be .

"Hi….Brody"

tbc…….


End file.
